Monday 21st August 2006

Nice mellow day to ease myself back into the rigmarole of the laughing academy. At least it was up to a point. Julie informed me of the goings-on at last week’s work’s committee meeting. Seems like my suggestion, which I made last year (!) concerning educating the 'rank and file' about what is and what is not abuse, bullying and harassment, will finally come into fruition. Yes, we are going to get ‘educated’. Not before time, although it may be too late for some.

Spent most of the morning playing 20 questions with Richard, a temp. We swiftly dispensed with the 20 questions rule, as nobody could be bothered to count them. I did get the feeling that Richard was signing his own death warrant talking to me. I am sure he will soon be leaving us anyway, but I would like him to leave of his own volition, not at the hands of some spiteful old hag.

Speaking of old hags, I have made something of a decision. The next time Im-Ho-Tep decides to undermine and abuse any of us, I am reporting her for harassment. I will also bring others into the equation. She deserves a good disciplinary meeting to put the wind up her. I honestly can’t wait.

At approximately 2.45 pm Judy Teen approached the line and informed us that the 78% achieved on Friday was not good enough. She also accused the ones who were not on shift of deliberately slowing down. As usual she targeted the temps and Grockels for special treatment. She excluded those on shift from any criticism. Although I wasn’t even there (on Friday) I felt that I was being got at as well. She demanded an explanation of why the percentage was 78% and stormed off before anyone got the chance to deliver one!

Due to screw-ups by the management, the goalposts for the efficiencies have been moved in order to make us work harder. The result of this is that we are being bullied and harassed in order to achieve the unachievable. I don’t know exactly what to do. I know what I should do, but I am hanging fire at the moment. Is this cowardice or prudence? I am certainly not a coward. I don’t want to get drawn into the trap of endless procrastination either. I have little concern about upsetting the Taliban here and redundancy scares me not.

I am becoming increasingly outspoken on the line today. I proclaimed that anyone who abuses, attacks workers on a personal level, and harasses them should be sacked immediately. No question. Out the door. I made very sure that Im-Ho-Tep was ear-wigging. I hope she does what she normally does and blabs her mouth off to all the interested parties. I dearly want a confrontation, but I want my position to be so strong that the culprits will find themselves in an untenable position. Is the way compiling a diary such as this, to be referred to as and when? We shall see…

Wednesday 16th August 2006

Today started off interestingly enough. Im-Ho-Tep attempted to undermine the work of some workers by pretending that she had no work coming her way to be getting along with. Alas for her it fell on stony ground. There was plenty of work but she rather curtly told Eric NOT to put pencils on the line, and then sat on her scrawny backside instead of getting up and collecting the work like she should have.

Julie had earlier mentioned to Judy Teen that Im-Ho-Tep was placing pressure on the other line workers and was told to ‘ignore her’. This is an interesting point in as much as Judy tends to take a great deal of notice in what Im-Ho-Tep has to say, particularly when she is giving the Grockels a ‘slagging off’. This is a perfect example of someone dishing out advice that she isn’t prepared to take herself. As we progress on our little ‘odyssey’, dear readers, we shall come across this form of nonsense time and time again.

We had a training session a little later on. It seems that in order for us to completely vanish up the backside of a certain trendy Company we have to use a certain wood that has gone through a ridiculous procedure. Some were thinking that there must be some ecological morality attached to FSC. Think again. Who really cares where the wood has come from? When the lady is covering her face with crap, what does it matter what tree the pencil was made from? Sometimes I think I must be on drugs.

I was musing to myself today about a big tray of pencils. Some jobs require upwards of 10 trays, each containing 4,000 pencils. I tried to imagine them all bound together in the shape of a big tree. It strikes me that there are forests in America growing trees specifically to be hacked down and turned into pencils. Disgusting. My general feeling is: stuff a certain trendy Company. Eco–bastards. Sham from beginning to end.

We had some more people starting today. Very pleasant to have new faces around (as always) but it always intrigues us as to what the hell we are actually up to.

When riding my bike into work this morning, I was pondering how utterly fruitless my ‘web searching’ has been regarding my employers. It was then I had a sort of mini-revelation. What if my employers have not told the DTI about the impending redundancies? You see, if you make over a certain number redundant the DTI must be informed. But what if you make these people redundant sporadically over a long period? You don’t have to inform anyone. This way the media at large remain somewhat oblivious to the ructions. Probably nonsense, but it passes the time on my journey into work.

A colleague told me that our employers told everyone that the DTI had been informed. I remarked that telling us they had informed the DTI and actually informing the DTI, are two quite separate concepts. Our employers have gone out of their way to display their capacity for mendacity in the past. I seriously cannot see honesty breaking out all over the locality in the glow of a glorious sunrise, at least not today.

I am off work until Monday. Be good!

Tuesday 15th August 2006

Today was far from a typical day in the line, yet there were some constants to remind me that I am working for a very substandard company.

Firstly we had a job that was the epitome of everything that was amazing about working at XXXX. We had the almighty task of sticking fitments to pencils. Not too arduous a task except that one we could render it so. The fitments (or the pencils) were not entirely compatible with each other. The job was completed by having several members of the line whittling away with tiny sharp blades. The work was finished satisfactorily I suppose. Then again, this lot are satisfied when anyone with a semblance of professionalism about them would not be.

The main gripe today was the performance (again) of Im-Ho-Tep. She does get on with her work, no doubt, but the problem lies with her distasteful personality. She is a lady who lives her life alone and strives to keep it that way. She wastes no opportunity in attacking (verbally) members of the line in a most vicious and unnecessary way. If an opportunity does not exist she will create one out of the ether. I am not a murderous man by any means, but I confess I do fantasise.

Fewer and fewer are taking her seriously. I did discover that she has been making some exceedingly suggestive comments of a lewd nature to Boris. As is usually the case, the mutterings are all about what would happen ‘next time’ she steps out of line. Why does there always have to be a ‘next time’? She is desperately in need of an ass-kicking. Thing is, she is so myopic, even after an apology (which is an unlikely scenario given her disorder(s)) she is most certainly going to revert to her customary obnoxious ways. I try to control myself and show some compassion towards a fellow human being who is clearly struggling with herself, but as my halo slipped a long time ago, I fight not to let rip.

The difficulty of working in this part of the UK is in dealing with the bigoted attitude of the locals. You see, if you are not a local, or the honourable exception of being from London, you are considered a lower form of life than the maggots in a deceased dog’s nose. I think it is fair to say that they would rather promote or even acknowledge an extremely thick yokel than a highly intelligent ‘grockel’. This is a cause of great concern for all those on the ‘outside’ as it were. If we were of a different colour they would be jailed for the egregious racism they display. Maybe I will push this as I head towards a new job or even redundancy. I welcome either option with open arms.

Today I proffered a solution to the problem of the ill-fitting fitments. As the idea came from me it was ignored and we proceeded to use a far less satisfactory and logical strategy. You know, you have to laugh, even though it isn’t at all funny.
During my time in this part of the UK I have noticed one thing: the locals love to run their stupidity up a flagpole and salute it on a daily basis. They are so proud of their ignorance and appalling manners. Fortunately they are being bred out and their despised ‘grokels’ are teaching them manners and dignity. If we fail, it doesn’t really matter. If one yokel learns ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ it will be all worth while.